Guided by the suggestions and remarks of this review, I can conclude that my essay was not as cohesive as it should be to correspond to the thesis. And this one, on the other hand, it seemed to be too broad to develop. Perhaps attaining to women motorcycle riders subculture could’ve been an essay better developed, conferring an improved focus to my writing.
I’ve started out by clustering around the main idea, and it is clear to me now that, because so much content was generated, it became nearly impossible focusing in deeply developing each aspect of this subculture. The paragraph development stage is definitely a challenge. I’ve tried to focus on the PIE “formula”, however because of the reasons above, it didn’t seem as easy to assemble the ideas into a coherent text.
Another aspect that deserves improvement is the interpretation of quotations. The quote cited from Kalle Lasn’s book, Culture Jam, was not developed, and I can see that further development and correlation to the topic could have been better articulated.
One of the positive aspects of this essay, in my opinion, was the peer response activity, which helped me to consider some aspects otherwise neglected, such as the additional examples of events in which motorcycle riders participate; the body paragraph structure (although I can see it was clearly not mastered) among other relevant suggestions.
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